10 things I Hate About Being Fat

Although I'm sure I could come up with about a million more things, these are my top ten.  Feel free to add to the list!

1.  The clothing choices (or lack thereof)
Why is is that designers think that fat people don't wanna be cute?  We don't wanna walk around in a big old t-shirt that has like, sailboats or kitty cats on it.....or God forbid those horrid patterned shirts that have like, squiggly lines all over them.  Ugh.  And elastic waist pants.  Really??  Just because we're fat doesn't mean we're also 80 years old.  Can I get some distressed jeans with a cute shirt that DOESN'T cost me $100 a piece?  Torrid, I'm talking to you.  Skinny people have the option to shop on clearance.  Clearance at Torrid is like, $35 instead of $60.  Girl bye.   I wanted to make this a number all in itself, but decided to merge it with #1 instead.  SHOPPING WITH SKINNY FRIENDS!  Totally sucks.  I hate it.  I can't wear anything in any of the stores that we go in, so I'm just like, standing around looking totally uncomfortable.  People in the store are looking at you like, yeah she's just here with her friends cuz she ain't fitting into anything up in here! 

2.  Chub rub
In addition to the fact that we have to pay $6999 for a pair of nice jeans without an elastic waist, they wear out in like a month because of chub rub.  So multiply that $6999 by like 4 cuz that's how often the jeans need to be replaced.  It's stylish to wear holey jeans, but not when the holes are between your thighs.

3.  Chins galore
Sometimes when I look in the mirror I feel like I'm staring at a family of Asians because I see so many chins.  Winter is great because I can cover up my neck with a scarf, but in the summer...not so much.

4.  Muffin top
I would love to be able to wear a pair of pants and shirt and NOT have a muffin top.  having a ring around my waist looking like Saturn definitely doesn't make me feel "sexy."

5.  Unflattering photos
There hasn't been a photo taken of myself in the last 7 years or more that I approve of.  I look like I've been inflated with air in all of them.  What is it about photos and videos??  I will get ready and look in the mirror and think that I look great!  Then I will have someone take a picture and I'm like, WTF happened?!  Do I have trick mirrors in my house or something??  Is someone playing with me?  Unacceptable.

6.  Climbing more than one flight of stairs is near impossible
By the time I get to the top of the second flight I'm about to die.  I used to climb stairs all day every day because I grew up in a two story house.  Now I have no steps and so I'm not used to it.  On top of that, add in all the extra weight I have gained since then as well.  I definitely have to work on this because the elevators at my school are stupid slow.  When I tell you we waited on the elevator to come down two floors for ten minutes, I'm not exaggerating. 

7.  Sucking it in
Do you know how uncomfortable that is??  Not to mention that it obviously doesn't help according to the pictures I referred to back in #5.  You would think that after all these years of walking around for hours every day sucking it in that I would have abs of steel.....but no. 

8.  Going to the Beach
Going to the beach is just depressing when you're fat.  First of all, you have to watch all the tan skinny girls prance around in their string bikinis while you lie there in your black "slimming" one piece with pasty white legs from wearing pants year round.  I say "slimming" because that's what black is supposed to do for most people, but when you're blatently overweight, it just doesn't work.  There is no "slimming."  Not to mention, most of the bathing suits made for overweight people tend to be black, navy or purple.  What's up with that? Back to my point in #1.

9.  Being the Fat Bridesmaid
I have only been in two weddings in my adult life and was the token fat girl in both.  Having to stand there next to thinner, more attractive girls and then have it documented for life is just not cool.  Not to mention, you know that the guy that gets stuck walking down the aisle with you is like, why did I get stuck with the fat one?

10.  Hairstyles
It doesn't matter how I do my hair, my face is still fat.  I want a cute short hair cut that doesn't require much work.  Can I have one?  Sure, if I want to look like Chaz Bono.