My Son, My Gift

In light of Mother's Day, I wanted to post this speech that I wrote for my communications class last year.  We were assigned to write a commemorative speech and I thought what a better time of my life to commemorate than the birth of my son.  I hope you enjoy it :)

                The birth of a child is one of the happiest times in a parent’s life.  Most people only experience this miracle a few times in their lives.  For a woman, this event is even more special because she has carried and nurtured this being inside of her own body.  She has felt the little punches and kicks for months.  Ask any mother about the day her child was born and you can be certain that she can tell you every detail of that day and the events leading up to the first moment she set eyes on her newborn baby.  It is a moment that will forever be stained in your memory.

                I found out I was pregnant on a Thursday afternoon.  I had been feeling bad all week and had been having some cramping.  I knew something was going on but I wasn’t quite sure what it was.  I had been told that there was a possibility that I would never be able to conceive or that it would be very difficult for me to do so because I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  This condition leaves a lot of women infertile and unable to have children.  So needless to say, pregnancy was not the first thing that came to mind, but because I desperately wanted a child every time any little thing happened to my body that might be a symptom of pregnancy I ran out and bought a test.  By this time I had taken so many tests in the past year and seen so many negatives that I didn’t really expect anything different, but I bought two tests and went home and took them anyway.  That day they were both positive.  Because of all the previous negative tests, I was a little inclined to think that the tests were wrong.  So I went and bought two more tests.  Those were positive as well.

                We took a picture of my husband and I with our dog and on that picture we printed the words, “Camera to take this picture = $140.  New hair cut and color = $85.  Grooming for the dog = $45.  Knowing that there is really a family of four in this picture = Priceless.”  We gave this picture to our parents, and that is how they found out we were pregnant.  Everyone was very excited about the new addition to the family.  

                My pregnancy was pretty routine.  I never experienced a moment of morning sickness.  My biggest complaint was the heartburn, which I had on a daily basis.  Zantac and Tums made a lot of money off of me during those nine months.  All in all, I loved being pregnant and felt great right up until the end.

                When I was 17 weeks pregnant, we went to the doctor for our big ultrasound appointment where we found out what we were expecting.  I had always known what I was having.  I guess I just had that “mother’s instinct” that everyone talks about.  My instincts were proven correct when the ultrasound tech said “it’s a boy!”  I thought my husband was going to jump out of his skin because he was so excited.

                 Our happiness was quickly counteracted when we were told that the results from a recent blood test had come back positive for spina bifida.  We had to meet with a geneticist to talk about what to expect as well as what our options were for further testing as well as termination of the pregnancy pending the outcome of the further testing.  We did a repeat blood test that day and were told to wait for the results from that test and then we would talk about the future from that point.  My husband and I had already decided that the pregnancy was not going to be terminated no matter what the results said when they came back.  It took a week for the results to come back and when they did we were finally able to breathe again.  Our son was going to be born healthy.

             

                The rest of my pregnancy crawled by at an excrutiatingly slow pace.  I couldn’t wait to meet this little person who was growing inside me.  My due date came and went.  The last week of my pregnancy I was put on bed rest because my blood pressure was high.  I was a little relieved by this though because I was terrified that my water would break while I was at work.  This way I knew I would be home whenever it happened.

                On Sunday April 12, 2010 I woke up feeling a little “off.”  I just assumed it was because I was 41 weeks pregnant and miserable.  As the day went on I started to feel a little better but then I started to have dull pains in my lower abdomen.  By 9pm I was having contractions.  They started out pretty far apart and irregular so I wasn’t so sure that I was in actual labor.  As the night went on they finally became regular and started coming about 4 minutes apart around midnight.  I decided that I would try to get some sleep and wait it out because my water hadn’t broken yet and so I knew it might be a while.  Around 3am I was still awake and unable to sleep through the pain so I got up and took a shower and got ready.  Then I woke my husband up and we went to the hospital.

                I got to Duke Hospital around 4am Monday morning.  After I was checked in they confirmed that I was in labor and that I was only dilated to 1cm and about 80% effaced.  They asked me to go walk around the hospital for two hours to make my labor progress.  Walking makes contractions come faster and harder, so I was having them about every minute while I was walking.  It was impossible to walk during a contraction so I would have to stop, lean on the wall and breathe through them.

                After two hours of walking circles around the elevators, I went back and had the doctor check me again.  I was now dilated to 4cm and about 95% effaced.  I was admitted and taken to my birthing room.  Shortly afterwards the anesthesiologist came in to give me my epidural.  This to me was the scariest part of the whole process.  The thought of having a needle stabbed into my spine was not particularly thrilling.  Much to my surprise, it wasn’t really that bad.  I hardly felt a thing.  After the epidural was placed, they pushed a bolus of medicine through the line to make sure that the epidural was placed properly.  Apparently my body didn’t like this too much because when they did this, my blood pressure bottomed out and I passed out.  They reacted quickly and were able to get my blood pressure back up pretty fast and life was good again.

                I spent the entire day Monday in labor and waiting on my little guy to make his appearance.  They broke my water around 4pm that day but I never progressed past 5cm.  in fact, when the doctor came in to check me at 11pm that night, the baby had moved back up and out of the birth canal.  The doctor said that this was usually a sign that the baby was too large to pass through the pelvic bones and that we should consider a cesarean section.  

                At 11:30pm, I was taken back to the OR to have my c-section.  It was such an odd feeling lying there awake on that table knowing that on the other side of that curtain they were cutting my stomach open and I couldn’t feel a thing.  It was difficult for me to really focus on what was going on though because I was so drugged out by the medicine that they had given me at that point.  I don’t really remember too much about this actual part of the night because of that.  I just remember lying there and being so cold and feeling like time was standing still.

                At 12:34am, Caden Anthony Hopkins was born weighing in at 9lbs 4oz and 21 inches long.  

There is a picture of my husband and I with him in the OR, but I was so out of it that I barely remember taking it.  When my husband brought him over to my face, I couldn’t even see him.  I could barely even hold my eyes open.  My husband said he was screaming bloody murder, but I never heard a thing.

                Afterwards I was taken to a recovery room and Caden was whisked off to the nursery.  I didn’t get to see him until about 6am that morning after I was settled into my room.  I remember the nurse pushing him into the room in his bassinet.  He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen laying there all bundled up in swaddling blankets wearing the little pink and blue knitted cap.  I was overcome with love for this tiny person that I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling.  I couldn’t wait to pick him up and hold him in my arms.  This was my child.  I made this person.  What an amazing thing to be able to say.

                The time since he was born has flown by so unbelievably fast.  Next week my little baby is going to be turning 1.  Kenny Chesney said it best when he said, “Don’t blink.”  I know that this is onlyt he beginning and that I will be asking myself every year where the time has gone.  But no matter how many years go by, I know that the memory of the day he was born into this world and the first time I saw him will always be as fresh as the day it happened.  I feel truly blessed that I was given the chance to experience such a miracle and given the opportunity to know the real meaning of unconditional love.  Having a child has forever changed me, and for the better.  This was my greatest accomplishment in my eyes and I don’t foresee any future event ever topping the birth of my child.